Well so was I. Until I sat through 90 minutes of pure, expensive, CRAP.
I couldn't believe it. Set the scene:
Acer Arena, overcast, rainy, stormy night. This was my prized Christmas present, platinum seating and a nice hotel. I had travelled up from Melbourne and decided to make a weekend of it. After all, Top Gear is quite possibly the best show on earth. Clarkson speaks truth, and isn't afraid to say what everyone is thinking, surely you can't go wrong I thought!
The demographic so far was to be expected, lots of wife beater singlets, VB stubbies and Holden drivers. The entrance gates were busy, people bustling through like herded cattle, as the thunder crackled and the winds gathered momentum. Out the front were cars on display, predominantly Australian classics. Bathurst cars, new and old. Some supercars, tantalising your average punter of the events to come. Burnouts, time attacks and clever wit I though, I can't wait. We go up the escalators and head to our seating, I purchase an "Official Top Gear Programme" for $20. That was a mistake, however I was willing to let it go, why let a horrible collage of old photos ruin what is surely going to be an awesome night I thought.
We take our seats, one flight up but with a pretty good view.
We wait for the show to come to life, whilst watching snippets of Season 14, which has sadly gone to Channel 9. (For the record, season 14 is EPIC and I would encourage everyone to watch it.. especially the Jungle episode).
The lights dim, and everything goes quiet, "here we go!" I said to my partner. Out came two WRX's, and some flame girl. Not a bad opening, although all I could think was that they should of used evo 9's, atleast they have front and rear LSD's. After some arse-dragging, some mediocre fire stunts and the boxer burble, Clarkson and May ventured onto the performance area. After they both rattled off their first monologue, I instantly regretted coming all this way. I was expecting a script, BUT REALLY? it was horrible. Some horrible jokes, some ford and holden banter, flattering our local industry car makers, the bottom line being "all aspects but the engines are shit".. lucky for Clarkson & Crew, the majority of the crowd probably can't read through the lines. Lots of "woo's and fuck yeah's!" came from the crowd! yay! I drive a VN! FUCK YEAH ITS A SUPERCAR MOTHERFUCKERS YOU AINT GOT SHIT ON MY POD FILTER AND CAT BACK"
I facepalmed. The introduction of the "Stunt team" came out, in none other than a car that DOESN'T EVEN GET SOLD IN AUSTRALIA, a Ford Focus RS. After 5 minutes of handbrake turns and... more handbrake turns, the hosts came back out. It went on like this for 90 minutes. Oh, some random V8 supercar driver co-hosted, Greg Murphy. Seriously? Fuck. Off. I don't care if you'd rather a VE with dropped pipes over a supercar. Go away. You don't mesh with the hosts, and your poorly scripted jokes and piss-taking sucked.
The Supercar Segment: First off the block was an R8 V10, phenomenal car. What did they do with it? Nothing. It sat there. So did all the supercars. WHAT THE FUCK DID I PAY $150/ticket FOR?! Apparently for something I could of walked a couple of hundred yards to a showroom to see.
The lesson learnt here, is that money talks. 15,000 people @ minimum $100 a head is good money. But I will never pay it again, because it sucked the life out of me and induced a rage similar to that of an American Postal worker.. If you want entertainment for cars, go to a springnats/nationals of your favourite car.
Fuck you Top Gear Live, FUCK YOU.
*Pictures courtesy of e30philiac @ ECCA
The first one was so bad I decided to skip this one.
ReplyDeleteAfter two shocking shows will people actually pay for a third?